If I had lived a mostly perfect life, and there had been only one small sin that I had been forgiven for, the debt I owe, would still be great. The very fact, that even for that one little mistake, Jesus Christ gave His life in such a terribly cruel manner, I would still owe so much. And many times, we can seem to forget, that it is not about us anyway; it’s about Him. We cannot forgive our own sin; no matter how big or how small we think they are. It was His blood that paid the unforgettable price; for both great, and small.

I’ve been doing something recently, that for some reason, I didn’t seem to do a lot of before. First thing every day I wake up now, I raise my hands to heaven, and thank the Lord for giving His life for me. And for all the times He has forgiven me. We might never think, that we would take that for granted. I didn’t mean to forget. I get the feeling at this moment, that this may be part of leaving our first love. In the beginning, we were so grateful for Jesus dying for us; we could weep easily every time we thought of it.

One of the first things we realized, was that it was a debt, we could never repay. That’s why, for Christians to want to stop singing about the Blood and the Cross, stop talking about it, makes no sense to me. Why, without the Blood, there is no Power. How could some of us, it seems, have just gotten so far off of the track. I say it again, I honestly wasn’t aware, that I didn’t really thank Him for giving His life for me. How could I not think of such a thing. Could it be partly, that all of these things we were supposed to do or not do, somehow became more important, than what He did.

I only talk about myself in this. I wonder, what God must have really been thinking about me all this time. I sometimes couldn’t understand, why I was going through so many trials and tests at times; why it was so hard. Could it be, that it took everyone of them, to help me remember, what this is all really supposed to be about anyway? We can talk about gifts, about our callings and prophecies and all of these other things we like to talk about, and should talk about. But, if we forget what it cost Him, well, what then.

All of a sudden, I feel a better understanding, of why Paul eventually said what he did. “I preach Christ, and Him crucified.” If we’re honest, this great apostle, did try to tell us, what it was all really worth, if we did not love. We once thought often, that Jesus went through it all, because He loved us. I begin to understand more about why I’ve come to the place I have; that I feel so totally dependent on God. I had to lose everything, and get to the place that I simply couldn’t function by myself, to begin to get my priorities back in order. No greater love, than a man laying down His life, for a friend.

“I’ve got a long way to go, to be like the Lord.”

Robert Blackburn