Hiding Things From Yourself
Can it be that there are things in our heart that we do not know are there?
We often think we know how we feel and we think we know what is in our heart. But we don’t. Not on our own.
We may have known our real desires or our thoughts about certain people at one time, but we have often pushed those feelings so far into the back of our minds that we forget they are there.
It’s true that sometimes our friends or family can see something in us that we will declare to the heavens — that it is not true!
Isn’t it also true that there are certain things wrong with us that everyone but us can see?
We can get very irate if someone points out a flaw or a certain behavior we have. Others sometimes even know why we are acting in such a manner, when we don’t have a clue!
It’s funny that we have no problem seeing the faults of others, but deny those things in ourselves.
We will argue someone down that we are not this way or that, or that we don’t have certain feelings, when our very actions of denial, say otherwise.
The human mind is a complex and absolutely unfathomable creation. The chemistry involved in allowing thoughts and messages to travel from one nerve fiber to another is truly beyond must of us.
What a creation this God of ours put together. We can be dumb or smart, educated or not, brilliant or a complete nerd and we were once the most intelligent animals on the planet.
What our mind is capable of is awesome. The art, the music, technology, medicine, fame, emotions, you name it, comes from this creative presence.
Ever heard the expression, “I think my mind must be playing tricks on me!” or “Have you lost your mind?”? I think some of us probably have.
So much the mind can do, both good and bad. And our mind can indeed trick us and it can hide things from us. Neatly filed away and we don’t even know it.
We can block things and not realize we are doing it or we block it on purpose because we don’t want to know about it, either that is too painful or we don’t want to admit it or accept it.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
We often think we know what is in our heart, but we don’t. We can be so sure we know ourselves and how we feel and later discover it wasn’t true at all.
Everyone of us is included here, none of us are that perfect. We are taught to have the mind of Christ and often we do, but not always.
Our flesh and our thoughts can be causing us much more trouble than we are willing to admit. That’s why we were taught we must “die daily” and just because we dealt with our issues once does not mean those problems may not return.
The Holy Ghost did not cure all of our faults and we did not become forever angels just because we prayed through.
We were just beginning and now we had something to help us work on ourselves and grow and mature and we make great progress and mature into wonderful people, but we have a bad habit of keeping back just a little of ourselves, a small corner somewhere that no one knows but us is there.
Let’s be honest. Some people would faint if they really knew how we felt about certain things and even about them!
Jeremiah 17:10 says, “I the LORD searcheth the heart, I try the reins.”
We absolutely must ask the Spirit to search our hearts for us and to reveal any thing that is hidden, even a very small thing that can take root and grow into something bigger.
Searching ourselves is not enough, it is only a start. There are things about us that we would never know if the Spirit did not show it to us or move on someone to speak a word to us that perhaps we do not want to hear.
Some of us do not ask the Spirit to search our heart, not really, because we don’t want to know that we just may not be as righteous as we think we are and maybe even a bit full of ourselves.
Can I share with you, that I thought I knew myself and what was in my heart? I truly thought I was a pretty nice guy!
I grew up in the Church and I loved the LORD and wanted to serve Him the rest of my life. I never knew how angry I was.
It never occurred to me that all of those hurt feeling and disappointments from others had been stuffed way back in the recesses of my mind and little things I did not deal with well, had taken root and become something else I did not even recognize.
You see, we were saved, sanctified and holy and that was that. The greatest Apostle said the very things he wanted to do, he didn’t do and many things he did not want to do were the very things he did.
“14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me,” Romans 7:14-20.
He also said that the very things he was accusing others of doing, he was doing those very same things himself.
We missed that. I don’t know how but we did.
Some of us would be shocked if we knew that others could see right through us, especially if certain gifts of the Spirit are operating in those people and we’d be devastated to find out that many people do not want to be around us, because of our attitude.
We all know that you can appear nice and kind and holy, but actually be mean, as all gets out. We all know a few of those, but we would never believe we might be one of them.
The idea that what I accuse others of doing, I am in some way doing the very thing myself, was hard for me.
That took a while. At first I didn’t believe it, and it often took the Spirit to point it out to me, and not always in the nicest way.
It is indeed true, it really is. That’s another reason why we need friends in our lives who love us enough to tell us the truth about ourselves, not just being critical, but love us enough to help us on our journey.
Have you ever thought, “God, I wish I had listened to what they were trying to tell me! They were right and I was wrong. It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak further down the road”?
My old Aunt used to sing a song called, “Search Me, Lord.” I never will forget it.
One line says, “If you find anything that shouldn’t be, take it out and straighten me, I wanna be right, I wanna be saved and I wanna be whole.”
Search me LORD! Show me anything that I am holding on to that could keep me from being everything I could be or that you want me to be.
I mean that. Don’t you?
First published: October 16, 2010.
~ Robert Blackburn
Profound. Thanks Brother.